Fuck Yeah Demetri Martin!
“I love Christmas cookies, but it’s frustrating because you can’t have those cookies the rest of the year, ‘cause it’s not appropriate, it’s seasonal, you know? I hate that! I think you can have them, even in the summertime. You just have to reframe the cookie. You know what I mean? Like, ‘Hey, I’ve got some pine trees here! Anybody want a pine tree?’ ‘These non-denominational stars are still hot!’ ‘Can I get another girl-with-a-fucked-up-back cookie, please? These saggy hunchbacks are delicious!’”

“I love Christmas cookies, but it’s frustrating because you can’t have those cookies the rest of the year, ‘cause it’s not appropriate, it’s seasonal, you know? I hate that! I think you can have them, even in the summertime. You just have to reframe the cookie. You know what I mean? Like, ‘Hey, I’ve got some pine trees here! Anybody want a pine tree?’ ‘These non-denominational stars are still hot!’ ‘Can I get another girl-with-a-fucked-up-back cookie, please? These saggy hunchbacks are delicious!’”

“Chairs can really teach you about your status in life, like the bean bag chair. If you’re in a bean bag chair, and you’re over 40…you failed.”

“Chairs can really teach you about your status in life, like the bean bag chair. If you’re in a bean bag chair, and you’re over 40…you failed.”

"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote Jesus on it."

I was thinking about this quote the other day, and I decided that this will be the year that I finally wrap Christmas presents the Demetri Martin way. Then I thought, “Maybe I can get everyone else in on this!”

Behold: The “Happy Birthday Jesus” Project.

If you decide to add a little Demetri Martin flair to your Christmas gift wrapping this year, please send in pictures of your gifts (you can be in the picture too!) to fydemetrimartin@hotmail.com. I’m hoping to post as many photos as possible here on Christmas day. In your email, feel free to leave your Tumblr username, first name, and/or city/state/country—it would be great to see how widespread the fanbase is. I hope to see a lot of you participate! Please reblog and spread the word! Thanks, everyone!