“I love Christmas cookies, but it’s frustrating because you can’t have those cookies the rest of the year, ‘cause it’s not appropriate, it’s seasonal, you know? I hate that! I think you can have them, even in the summertime. You just have to reframe the cookie. You know what I mean? Like, ‘Hey, I’ve got some pine trees here! Anybody want a pine tree?’ ‘These non-denominational stars are still hot!’ ‘Can I get another girl-with-a-fucked-up-back cookie, please? These saggy hunchbacks are delicious!’”
“Chairs can really teach you about your status in life, like the bean bag chair. If you’re in a bean bag chair, and you’re over 40…you failed.”
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote Jesus on it."
I was thinking about this quote the other day, and I decided that this will be the year that I finally wrap Christmas presents the Demetri Martin way. Then I thought, “Maybe I can get everyone else in on this!”
Behold: The “Happy Birthday Jesus” Project.
If you decide to add a little Demetri Martin flair to your Christmas gift wrapping this year, please send in pictures of your gifts (you can be in the picture too!) to fydemetrimartin@hotmail.com. I’m hoping to post as many photos as possible here on Christmas day. In your email, feel free to leave your Tumblr username, first name, and/or city/state/country—it would be great to see how widespread the fanbase is. I hope to see a lot of you participate! Please reblog and spread the word! Thanks, everyone!
