Fuck Yeah Demetri Martin!

christhecreep:

of all the random fucking things to write into the earth to be seen from satellite 

christhecreep:

of all the random fucking things to write into the earth to be seen from satellite 

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.
Demetri Martin, This is a Book (via oliveswind)
If you’re a battery, you’re either working or you’re dead. Shit life.
Demetri Martin (via oliviaisthebomb)
You see, the cuter the girl is, the more I’m willing to hear about the cat. “Oh really?” “Yeah, he’s very intuitive.” But you’ll notice, at a certain point, I don’t care how cute you are. I don’t wanna hear about your fucking cat anymore. I hate your cat. When you leave the room, I try to get it.

You see, the cuter the girl is, the more I’m willing to hear about the cat. “Oh really?” “Yeah, he’s very intuitive.” But you’ll notice, at a certain point, I don’t care how cute you are. I don’t wanna hear about your fucking cat anymore. I hate your cat. When you leave the room, I try to get it.

awful-but-cheerful:

I’m never going to love anyone the way I love you, Demetri.

awful-but-cheerful:

I’m never going to love anyone the way I love you, Demetri.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin (via stevepethel)
rachel-actually:

DEMETRI MARTIN: PERSON

rachel-actually:

DEMETRI MARTIN: PERSON